Today’s video is all about confidence. How to grow it, and especially how to do something for the first time or after a long break.
Watch the video or read the transcript.
First of all let’s get something out of the way.
The more you do something, the more confidence you’ll get.
I think you expected me to say that.
However that means that when you try something for the first time, there’s no confidence. So don't make the problem impossible to solve by considering confidence a requirement. It’s not a requirement. It’s actually the result of the action.
So what you need is a way to push through and I’ll give you a few tips to do that.
1.Collect confidence points.
We avoid doing certain things not because of the possible outcome but because how the outcome will make us feel. There’s the possibility of discomfort of some sorts like embarrassment, fear, rejection, even sadness. So as a protection mechanism, we try to avoid that.
However think about the emotions as ANTIBIOTICS. ”The more you get exposed to them, the less effective they get.” And you need to get larger and larger doses because you become tolerant to them. So every time you do something that makes you uncomfortable, you actually get stronger and less sensitive to that emotion.
So why not make this a game. “Get uncomfortable and collect confidence points.” I use this exact strategy on my weight loss. I didn’t avoid cravings, I got them on purpose. I learnt how they felt. Welcome that emotion and in time it got softer and softer. And "welcome" is an important term here because there’s a difference between feeling the feeling and pushing it away. Just remember the saying, “What you resist persists.”
Anyway I collected a point every time I got through a craving without eating. That is a total of 36 in the past four months. And what’s good about it is that, I can tell myself that if I can do that I can do anything.
2. Find strength in the things you’re already confident in.
Make a list of 40 things you can now do very well and you’ll realize that, every single item on that list was once done for the first time ever. And there’s one in particular that stands out and I’ll talk a bit about it during the next tip.
3. Recognize that it’s your thoughts that need adjustments.
You know when you didn’t have any? When got through one of the biggest challenges of your life.
You learned how to walk! Were you looking at the adults thinking, “hmmmm, this looks hard I might embarrass myself. I think I must stick to the crawling.” No! You went for it. And kids are amazing like that. They have no fears, no crazy thoughts going in their heads. It would be so awesome to be able to keep that for longer.
Anyway, now we do have fears we do have thoughts. So we should find a few more helpful ones. For me the most helpful one was, “this is the last time I’m doing this for the first time.” And "What I do, I get better at" was a close runner up.
4. Have a strong motivation.
For example; I started driving recently after being in a passenger seat for about nine years. Honestly it felt like I never drove before. It’s not something that I’m a big fan of, but now that I live in the countryside the train schedule doesn’t work so well for me anymore. So at the moment my husband drives me everywhere.
Being independent with a car for me will mean that in the case of an emergency, I can drive us somewhere.
5. Find some evidence that you can do this.
Is there anything remotely related that you’re already doing?
For example, for me when it comes to fitness I always remind myself that, when I was a child I couldn’t do a head stand. I was terrible at all sports but even more so at gymnastics and my ballet classes. Still, here I am today teaching yoga. So when there’s a pose or a sequence that I’m afraid of trying, I keep telling myself that if I can do a head stand I can probably try that as well.
6. Use the momentum and keep going.
Once you get the ball rolling don’t stop.Use this excitement to do even crazier things because this is the perfect moment to do it.
Okay! Let’s put everything into action.
First of all, I want you to make a list with about 40 things that you’re very confident doing. And everything counts including walking and writing. Then think about something that you’ve been postponing and answer these questions:
- Why do you want to do it?
- What’s stopping you?
- What is the feeling that you’re avoiding?
- Have you ever felt like that before?
- If yes, how did you deal with it?
- Can you find a helping thought?
Then go to work and do it again and again. If you need help, either leave me a comment or drop me a message and maybe we can find a solution together. I'm one email away: [email protected] is where you can find me.