Listen to the audio or read below for the transcript. This episode is 41 minutes long.
Happy Tuesday, lovely! I’m Andreea, your host here on The Introvert That Could Podcast. Every episode is a mix of tips on productivity, time management, and how to move forward when you’re stuck, with a sprinkle of motivation and a side of relevant personal stories. I want you to have all the tools and support your need to face the challenges of being an introvert and take action, because without action, there are no results. Let’s dive in!
You’re listening to episode 17 and today we have a special guest.
Danielle teaches women how to break up with busy for good and still achieve all that they want. Passionate about growth, great coffee and all things wellbeing, through her coaching she supports women in their 30s who are transitioning through phase of life issues—from wanting to change careers, figuring out a relationship breakdown, or when to start a family.
In our chat today you’ll learn about why we get so busy, and how to stop it by choosing joy without guilt. To quote Danielle, unapologetic joy.
This will be longer than our usual episodes, so get yourself a cup of coffee and le’t get this virtual party started.
Danielle can help you get out of your head, without analyzing, overthinking and she can help you get back into your heart, into experiencing your life through your emotions.
Andreea: Danielle, are you an introvert or an extrovert?
Danielle: I am definitely an extrovert, i am all the time in connection with others. However, i also need a lot of time to recharge, to identify with myself.
Why do we get busy?
Nowadays, people wear it as a „badge of honour”. If you’re not busy, you’re not doing something right.
Danielle: I feel that wearing busy as a badge of honour is a fear that if we let go of , what would we achieve? What might people think of that?
I believe that being busy is a way that can stop ourselves to feel the stresses of life, the pains and the challenges. Busy for me is a pattern of behaviour, a coping mechanism.
- If you go to work and you have many things to do and your boss gives you a feedback about something and you start panicking of the thought of getting fired?Or maybe that he thinks you’re this terrible person?
Busy as a strategy is holding all together, but if you’re not feeling a tiny bit of stress, you’re numbing yourself from other emotions like joy. We have to feel all the emotions.
- If we have stuff to do and we add other stuff to the list, it means that we get them done, or we just get the right things done
Andreea:What is the difference between busy and productive?Danielle: I believe that there is a difference between them, but if we try to get busy and busy, there is no end point to it, we don’t feel productive, we just add things to the list.
Andreea: How do we fix it?
Danielle: The point is to create more balance in your life.
What do people want?
They think that if they keep themselves busy, they won’t feel stressed.
So, breaking up with busy has to start with knowing what you want and how you want to feel.
It has to start with the question:
„How do i want to feel?”
Danielle is a joy coach. So, what does joy do in this situation?
Danielle: Joy is the other end of the emotional spectrum. When you’re holding it together, and you try not feel your pain, you’re also numbing yourself from experiencing pleasure.
How do you experience joy in your life? In order to know what means to feel good , you need to create it.
- If you are the kind of person who is a high-achiever, who is a people pleaser, you are probably disconnected from knowing what feels good for you. The feeling of joy has to come from you, from deep within your core.
Andreea: Is there a difference between pleasure and joy?
Danielle: The difference is that joy comes from within, from deep inside your core, joy makes you know yourself.
I think that the reason we’ve lost the joy is that we’ve disconnected with that light, that spark within.
When we talk about pleasure, we talk about a feeling in the moment, a state of being.
How do we get more joy? It is not as simple as buying some flowers, because you can’t sustain that feeling for a long time.
For me, the how is knowing that there is a cicle to it, in terms of cultivating it.
Everybody wants a list of steps to follow, but if we rush into the how, without a thread to connect everything back together, we go back without knowing what to do.
- Why do you want this change?
- Why do you want to feel good?
- What are some of your beliefs around that?
Let’s set up a system, a timetable before jumping into doing that. Every action has a purpose, an intention, that it’s fueling the change.
So, the first step into cultivating joy is getting to know yourself.
We want the system, but the system may or may not work, it depends on the person.
Andreea: Do you think that some people feel guilty about wanting to find more joy in their lives?
Danielle: Definitely some people feel guilty about that and it all comes to unapologetic joy.
Once you get to know yourself, you will see that when you focus on joy, not only on what feels good, the changes start to happen more gracefully.
When you start to find your joy rhythm, sometimes you find yourself in situations when that rhythm is tested, to see if you fall back. Yet, feeling bad doesn’t help anyone. On the contrary, you loose your focus, your energy drops, you loose your grounding.
When this happens, because you already know what feels great for you, you have more resilience, more confidence, more clarity on what feels good to you.
Feeling good is not just about feeling good.There are also a lot of benefits:
- it can boost your immune system
- it can give you more clarity
- How do you feel after a conversation with a friend? When you’re trying to speak about something that’s been bothering you and that friend says that understands the situation, but somehow it blows up in your face. How do you feel?
If you’re working on your „joy muscle”, when you encounter a situation like that, you’ve got the strength to overcome it.
Andreea: Let’s take this situation we’re in now, where everybody is at home, with children, something that they might have never done it before. Everything escales, besides the fear, the panic of getting out. How can we still keep it calm and productive?
Because some of the people have no idea how to work from home and still be able to get through something like this.
Danielle: First of all, it is okay to know how to prioritize your joy. It is okay to feel good right now, to allow yourself to feel the unapologetic joy.
How do we embrace uncertainty in our lives? Because life is beautiful, we need both certainty and uncertainty in it. We can acknowledge that things are different in our lives and it is okay.
How can we create more balance or routines to help us better? What we focus on is what we get.
If you want to feel more calm and productive, how can you give yourself permission to feel good?
It is okay to feel good, you deserve to prioritize your joy, that doesn’t mean you displace all the other things that are going on.
This puts you in a place of power, in a place where you can make all the decisions without feeling uncertain. It has also a great effect on other people who you talk to, it creates a ripple around effect.
This conversation around joy is about all of your emotions. When you’re accessing joy, you can be okay with all the feelings, you don’t get stuck with feelings like fear or panic.
In conclusion, the question that Danielle rises is „How do you want to feel?” We all have the power within ourselves to choose which path we want to go on, how we want to feel the joy and the joy of the people around us.
This will be longer than our usual episodes, so get yourself a cup of coffee and let’s get this virtual party started.
If you want to continue the conversation, I’d love to hear from you! Comment here or find me on Facebook and Instagram. But the best thing you can do is sign up for the Life Lesson Letter, the weekly email I send out every Thursday with new content and insider-only freebies and details. Sign up now and you’ll get instant access to all available goodies, including the latest PDF “From overwhelm to taking action: 6 steps to find more time in your day, declutter your to-do list and get things done“. Just go to coachmeamazing.com/lifelessonletter
Thanks so much for being here and I’ll catch you on the next one! Have an amazing day!